Wife not to blame for delayed ejaculation

Dear Doctor,

I have a very serious problem. Every time I have sex I can go for hours but in the end I do not ejaculate.

I just get tired or she feels a lot of pain and I stop. I however can ejaculate in the bathroom when I masturbate. I think she has become too wide after our first child. I now hate her, and just want to leave her. Someone told me some herbs can help tighten her again. What do you think will help?


Dear Sajjabi,

Sorry about that problem but take heart; it can be solved. What you experience is called delayed/failed ejaculation. It’s a sexual problem where a man with normal sexual desire takes long or fails to ejaculate or climax.

Whereas majority of men achieve orgasm (ejaculation) after two to 10 minutes of penetrative sex, those with problems like you can go for hours until it becomes painful or you lose physical strength to go on like you explain. There are a number of physical and psychological problems that cause this.

In your specific case the problem is most likely, masturbation.

Masturbation: The act of sexual self manipulation in addition to being very selfish creates perfect scenarios. The level of grip (tightness) achieved with your hands cannot compare with the vaginal walls which makes it hard to achieve sexual satisfaction. If you have been doing it for a long time, you can’t appreciate your wife.

You complain that she is wide after one child but other people continue having meaningful sex lives even after 10 children. You may need to see a counsellor to help you get over your masturbation addiction before you can get normal sexual responses with your woman. I am not sure if herbal medicines will help; it’s more of your problem than hers.

Other possible causes may be:

Circumcision: Men who have undergone circumcision have reduced sensitivity and this can lead to prolonged or delayed ejaculation.

Anxiety: Poor psychological state as a result of worry resulting from social or economic pressures as well as fear of satisfying your wife sexually could cause failed orgasm. Being in an uncomfortable environment especially where someone can hear or see you may cause anxiety. Fatigue and poor sleep can also be blamed.

Alcohol: Chronic alcohol consumption can inhibit your ability to ejaculate in time.

Diseases: Patients with diabetes, hypertension, mental illnesses prostate problems or history of pelvic accidents could have nerve damage that results in failed ejaculation.

Drugs: Some drugs like anti-depressants and medicines for high blood pressure can cause this delay as a side effect. On a positive note, however, delayed ejaculation can be very fulfilling to the partner because women take a while longer than men to climax.

If it’s becoming a problem like in your case, visit a doctor to treat or rule out a medical problem and visit a counsellor (sex therapist) to sort out your masturbation addiction and any other psychological issues that may be inhibiting.


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